Open Your Eyes

One decision changes your entire reality

Oh my, it's been a while.

In the time since I last wrote about my current and prospective goals, I've accomplished several; ones that were, quite possibly, the most invaluable of my life as I know it thus far.

They say that, "Growin' up is hard to do" - this I will not dispute. After a rather daunting year of post-college living (which included my first job, my first house off campus, a reminder of what it feels like to love and lose, and a rather annoying voice in my head reminding me daily that I was not happy), I quit said first job, moved home to mom and dad's, became selfishly and unapologetically single, and began the age-old journey of trying to discover what would make me feel happy, content and at peace... is that what they meant by growing up?

If the end of the road leading to happiness and peace was marked "Z", I started firmly planted at "A". Home again? No job? No friends to call up and meet for drinks? My decision to abandon everything I had surrounded myself with for the past year left me with absolutely nothing to define myself by. When I ran into people I hadn't seen for a while, I would cringe in hopes that they didn't ask me what I'm doing with myself now and days. "Oh me? I'm just trying to find myself". Going back to school to pursue my graduate degree (which was the most logical option on my list), was most often the response that came out.

A month went by, then two. The time frame I had given myself to move back out and get another job was quickly approaching...and my spirits were steadily falling. I got more sad before I got happy. With risk of sounding dramatic, I think I felt the saddest I have ever felt. I cried - a lot. I searched and searched everyday for the "thing" that was going to make me happy. Grad school - but for what discipline? Traveling - to where? Volunteering - for how long and with what money? A new job - but would I love this one? I ended up pursuing, in one way or the other, everything that I thought could and would make me happy and feel purpose. I did apply, and was accepted, to graduate school for Education. Even though I was grateful for the opportunity, it didn't seem right; it didn't feel like what I should do. The registration deadline came and went. Traveling was mostly to Philadelphia to see my friends - I didn't get too far without faithful, fellow unemployed companions which, at the time, I had none of. Volunteering while traveling somewhere new seemed to be the best thing I could do with my time. I wanted so badly to go to India (as listed on my 33 before 33). A good friend's mother is the director of an organization called Dalit Solidarity - I would go to India for two weeks in December to teach at a school for Dalit children; I would teach ballet. This excited and delighted me - how meaningful, how helpful, how new, what an experience. At this point, it was September - what to do for the next three months before the trip that would last two weeks? Graphic Design, obviously. (We'll put this choice in the category of 'utterly lost and unsure'). So I enrolled in classes (hence the photography), at my community college.

I went through the motions of being a student again with a brave face although, again, it didn't seem right, didn't seem like I belonged there either. I wrestled with my uncertainty every night, mostly under the worried eyes of my parents who compassionately listened and gave supportive advice and head nods. What was I DOING?! Then, one night, I gave up...and everything changed. I'll purposefully paint a magical picture, because that's how I remember all of this happening. It might not have happened quite this way, or so quickly, but this is what I remember.

I gave up. I admitted that, at that moment, I didn't know what I wanted. I just didn't know. I didn't know why I was here, why I was spending this time the way I was, what would happen next. And that became OK. This is what sparked those feelings:

"the wise man's 'maybe' signifies a refusal to judge anything that happens. He knows that often it is impossible for the mind to understand what place or purpose a seemingly random event has in the tapestry of the whole. But there are no random events, nor are there events or things that exist by and for themselves, in isolation."

"when the basis for your actions is inner alignment with the present moment, your actions become empowered by the intelligence of Life itself."

"only is you resist what happens are you at the mercy of what happens, and the world will determine your happiness and unhappiness. what you fight, you strengthen and what you resist, persists. make peace."

"one decision changes your entire reality. but that one decision you have to make again and again and again - until it becomes natural to live in such a way."

And so I made the decision (and keep making and making and making) to "not mind" what is happening, to accept that it has a purpose, and to try my hardest to live in the present moment and pay attention to my actions as they happen now - not as they played out in the past or will in the future.

Let's rewind...

In a addition to crying...a lot. I had also been reading...a lot. The book that happened to make sense to me, and where the quotes above were taken from, was "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. I had heard before a lot of the concepts he writes about; heck, I had been reading his same book for months - bits at a time. But finally, the words, the concepts - they just clicked.

The months at home had also left me a lot of time to hike, to be outside and not surrounded with the need for or pressure to have material things. My mom and dad were also always around with positive words and tons of love, which helped me just feel good. The combination of all of these things, I believe, contributed to my overall well-being and, yes, happiness and peace of mind. I found that when I was completely stripped of everything that had been defining me, I found out that I didn't need those things...that I had the possibility of being happy in life even when I didn't have - actually, especially when I didn't have - those things (a job, a place of my own, a significant other, all of the things we're supposed to have), to dictate my life. I realized that even after I lost a lot of things that were important, and had no idea how to regain those thing, I could be happy.

The fear of what could happen if you lost everything you knew vanished. Because I had. And I was OK.

I quit Graphic Design class. I made the decision to start looking for a new job and a new apartment in Philly. I called up my friend's mom to follow up about the India trip and the deposit check I had mailed her - I did still want to make this journey; I would simply tell my new employer about this trip upfront. She never got the check. She got the registration form...but no check. Had I forgotten to include it? I surely thought that it was in the envelope. Did I still want to go? I'd get back to her.

This is also what I remember...

The same day I went downstairs to log on to my computer to begin the arduous search of looking for a new job, I received an email from the director of the center where I had applied in June for a job I actually really wanted. I wrote off the application as a loss because they had never gotten back to me. But here was the email - Sorry about the delay, would I like an interview?

After several positive interviews and the feeling that this was right, this was where I belonged, I got the job. A great roomate and apartment fell into place simultaneously.

Some mornings I wake up and forget that I am exactly where I wanted to be so badly. I wake up and think that I have to come up with a plan. Then I realize - this is it. You're here. And then I feel happy. And then I feel content. And then I feel peace. It's "a decision that I make" for myself "again and again and again" and I plan to honor that decision, come what may, for the rest of my life as I know it.

P.S. I suppose that I should mention that I never completed the photography class, although I do promise to post pictures taken with my ultra-ambitious Nikon camera which makes me look like I've taken several classes. And I will not be traveling to India this December; I am concentrating on my new job and will plan that journey when the time is right.

Until then!

Julie

#32 (aka) Take a Photography Class

I better get used to making excellent check marks because I am well on my way to accomplishing quite a few thing on my list! 

With this blog, and my life, in dire need of some artistic accents I enrolled in a photography class. My, how times have changed; this class isn't simply learning to focus, zoom, point and shoot my camera of choice. Instead, it's a Digital Photo Imaging class (aka) Adobe Photoshop - manipulating your own photography into trendy, pop, or classic works of art. 

I will be sure to start posting some of my photos and new tricks as soon as I'm not "camera shy". 

Until then!

Julie 

#5 (aka) Run a 5K

With the help of three of my fellow 33 before 33ers, I am happy to announce that I am registered to run a 5K!

This October, Susan G. Komen for The Cure (formally The Komen Foundation), will celebrate the 25th anniversary of Race for the Cure. Women around the world are stepping up to raise breast cancer funds and awareness - a goal of 1.8 million dollars worth to be exact - and in remembrance and support of those who have been affected by breast cancer.

Race for the Cure has remained the largest 5K event in the world since 1998. That fact alone gives me the confidence that our team will run the 3.2 miles with ease simply based on all of that positive energy!

I'm looking very much forward to crossing #5 off of my 33 before 33 come October 5th at Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey, where Team Lizzy will run for the cure, for two women who are very dear to us, and for breast cancer fighters and survivors around the globe.

Vsist the Team Lizzy home page to support our team, join our team, or learn more about Race for the Cure.

Enjoy!

Julie

20 Something, 20 Everything

While reading one of the many "Job Search" e-mails I receive daily, I came accross an article written by a woman name Christine Hassler. Christine is the girl who "had it all" - she worked her butt off through college at Northwestern, landed a successful job as a Hollywood executive (complete with an office with a view), and was making the big bucks in a glamourous lifestyle all by the age of 25. The catch: she was miserable. After many trials and tribulations, she took some huge risks and, because of them, is happily "where she is" today - working as a life coach and motivational speaker focusing on the mental health of women in their 20's.
Her full story (it's an interesting one!), as well as her articles and podcasts can be found on her website: http://www.christinehassler.com/

Enjoy!
Julie

I WILL.... before I turn 30

1. waterski
2. Hike to the top of a mountain.
3. Speak Spanish.. fluently
4. Live in Spain
5. See the Egyptian Pyramids
6. Fall in love
7. Visit ALL 7 continents
8. Write a book
9. Do something completely selfless
10. Have a one night stand ;)
11. Become an organ donor
12. Become a psychologist
13. Have a romantic picnic
14. Get married
15. Drive across country
16.Learn about extra-terrestrial life/theories
17. See a movie in a drive-in movie theater
18. See a shooting star
19. Go ice-skating in Central Park
20. Learn how to cook something that's my specialty
21. Stand up for someone/something I believe in
22. Raise money for a good cause
23. Take a self-defense class
24. Watch the sunrise
25. Visit a wine vineyard
26. Catch a fish
27. Take a weekend getaway alone
28. Pet a manatee
29. Meditate daily
30. Get a tattoo

Be More Daring

Andrea Buchanan: Women are often encouraged to be silent or unobtrusive, to never risk being less than perfect. If we never take risks, we never fail; without risks we don't learn, don't make progress. We need a little "daring" in our lives in order to feel heartbreak, sadness, regret, exhilaration, pride, love, rapture -- the full range of human experience.

Full Article: Be More Daring

http://lifestyle.msn.com/mindbodyandsoul/personalgrowth/articlebhg.aspx?cp-documentid=8174725&GT1=32001

Dive In!

"View all problems as challenges. Look upon negativities that arise as opportunities to learn and to grow. Don't run from them, condemn yourself, or bury your burden in saintly silence. You have a problem? Great. More grist for the mill. Rejoice, dive in, and investigate."
-Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English"

My 33 - Liz

1. Volunteer to read books and sing to the elderly and cancer patients
2. Volunteer to work at a dog shelter
3. and a children’s hospital
4. Run a marathon that donates money to a charity
5. Buy my own home with a wrap around porch and a big lawn
6. Learn to speak a foreign language fluently
7. and visit that country for 1 month
8. Learn to play the piano
9. Read every Emily Dickenson poem
10. Publish at least one of my own poems
11. Go Sky Diving
12. Learn Salsa dancing
13. Make meatballs that taste like my grandmothers
14. Learn how to ski
15. and golf
16. go to Europe with my friends
17. get through Moby Dick
18. buy a new car
19. see every single Broadway play
20. plant flowers at my grandmothers grave every spring
21. become closer with my sister
22. start meditating
23. advance further in yoga
24. promise to never take myself too seriously
25. sing on stage in front of people
26. go to see some independent films
27. try and realize my career goals
28. and go to grad school for something I love
29. Visit Japan
30. Get a shore house with all my best friends for one summer
31. Be content with myself
32. Try all different types of food
33. Create my own recipes
    
    

It's gonna' be a Long List...

I was so happy to see two additions to 33 before 33! Originally, I was perfectly content to keep my listed tucked neatly away in my notebook. However, I wanted to share it with my friends. Then, it turned out, that I wanted to share it with my co-workers. And then, my friends wanted to share it with their friends and my co-workers wanted to share it with their friends...how easily things catch on!

This newly garnered interest has charged me to see how far I can push this...how about 100 33 before 33's? That's 3,300 goals! Inspiring.

When you publish your list, you will have administrative privledges - that means that you are free to send e-mails to friends and family, inviting them to post their list.

Who knows...you just might get your connection or suggestion to accomplish #5 or #11!

Enjoy!
Julie

33 before 33 ( I have 6 MORE YEARS!) - Diane

1. Own my own design company
2. in New York
3. well first in Philly...
4. Work in New York!
5. Explore different business venues and network in new york
6. in L.A
7...in Cali.
8. make lots of $ to buy parents retirement home
9. take little bro brian to each and every concert he wanted to go to with front row seats
10. buy a new car
11. rent an RV and just drive to each state and spend time in each state
12. go to italy
13. and greece
14. and ireland
15. go to a tropical island and be deserted w. boyfriend
16. buy a new mac computer
17. along with upgraded programs
18. volunteer again at childrens hosp.
19. spend time with elderly
20. take mom on shopping spree for all she ever did for us
21. buy tickets for my dad to see harr potter land when it opens in universal studios
22. visit thailand with bf and grandmom
23. get married
24. have 2 children - a boy named aiden and a girl named ava marie
25. that house on front and south street- ya i've always wanted that!
26. live downtown philly for awhile
27. open a winery with family
28. take lil bro back to florida
29. or visit korea with him
30. throw lil bro a surprise 21st b-day with a d.j
31. design t-shirts for okayplayer/roots again
32. meet new people/new places
33. learn spanish
34. visit the girl i am sponsoring while i am in south america
35. sponsor another child for children's outreach
36. visit south american to see cousin
37. go on all vaca with the girls i grew up with
38. have children that can play with my friends children ..so they can grow up with great friends like i did :)

30 things list - Scorpion Lady

1. Backpack through Europe - May 22, 2008 - June 25, 2007
2. Go Skydiving - June 12, 2007
3. Spontaneous Roadtrip to anywhere far away
4. Ride on the back of a strangers motorcycle - Florence, Italy June 2007
5. Get a car - October 2007
6. Learn to water ski
7. Learn to surf
8. Compete in a marathon
9. Create a scrapbook for all major memories in my life
10. Date every sign in the zodiac before I settle down
11. Go on vacation with only a boy
12. Be a born again (Celibate for a year) - 2007
13. Get a tattoo
14. Live in Philly after graduation and become an event planner - November 2007
15. Live in LA
16. Live in New York/ by New York City
17. Read & critique 50 books
18. Take dance lessons
19. Be involved in planning or attending one of Hugh Hefner's parties
20. Get a video camera, create DVD’s from all past videos, start videoing
21. Stay sober for 6 months
22. Save something special for a year before opening/using it
23. Go on a blind date
24. Get my Masters Degree
25. Sell a piece of my artwork on EBay
26. Go on a Safari ride in Africa
27. Invest in a stock
28. Become an organ donor
29. Pay off all student loans
30. Drive across country

33 before 33 - Julie

1. Own my own business
2. Travel to Peru
3. Grow a flourishing garden in my backyard
4. Grow 50% of the food I eat
5. Run/Walk a 5k
6. Run/Walk a marathon
7. Join/Be active in a "church", spiritual community
8. Live somewhere other than Pennsylvania for at least 6 months
9. Go to a winery
10. See a rodeo
11. Rock climb
12. in Montana
    
13. Vacation in Hawaii
14. Learn the names of/how to arrange flowers
15. Practice Yoga daily
    
16. Become a certified yoga teacher
    
17. Get married
18. Have a job I love
19. Learn to cook well
20. Sew an article of clothing
21. Learn to knit
22. Have an article published in a magazine
23. Take another ballet class
24. Sing alone at a kareoke bar
25. Own a dog
26. Relearn the piano
27. write my own song with lyrics
    
28. Ride an elephant
29. in India
    
30. Honeymoon in Europe
31. Have a steady volunteer position
32. Take a photography class
33. Take a painting class

Viva a List?

In April 2008, while working an event in California for work, I met Heather. Friendly and easy-going, Heather and I hit it off right away, chatting non-stop about the pros and cons of our event planning jobs, what we would be doing if we weren't in the communications field, and what we hoped to accomplish in our futures. In the quick weekend I spent working with Heather, she taught me some important lessons: to take chances, that there's no one right answer, to work hard but never let your "job" come before your life and, most importantly, that there's so much out there to see and do - best get started while you're young!


While we worked and chatted, Heather shared with me that she had been keeping a blog to keep in touch with family and friends in her home state of Utah while she worked and lived in New York City with her husband. Within the blog she had posted a "to-do" list - a bucket list of sorts, citing goals that she would like to accomplish in the next 10 years. You often hear people talk about the things they want to do "before they die"; things that they would like to accomplish in their lifetime. This list was Heather's way of keeping track and she decided to share it with her family and friends as a way of helping to keep herself on track with her goals. It's clear that Heather had a tenacity about her - on her list, not only had she doodled down ideas of some hobbies she'd like to take on, but had set admirable goals that would affect the world on a large scale...and, by the time I got to see the list, had already accomplished quite a few.


As a fresh-out-of-college, twenty-three year-old woman, I was and am no stranger to soul-searching, daily weighing the pros and cons of what I could do with my life, what's important to me, and how I should spend my time so that I simultaneously make a difference in the world and myself happy. Heather's energetic explanation of her list of goals was enough motivation for me. I began writing mine in the airport while waiting for my red-eye flight to arrive to take me from California to visit my parents in Florida. I realized that by taking myself out of my every-day "grind", my mind was more open to possibilities that I had not ever considered. My list ranged from simple goals that I knew I could accomplish by signing up for a class at a local community center, to traveling to remote/random countries, to things that could only be accomplished with fate's cooperation. So was born my list: 33 before 33. 10 years to accomplish what I consider at 23 to be worth doing, experiencing, seeing, and learning.


More recently, I realized that, perhaps, it might not even be about what I want out of life but rather what life wants out of me. To float along with life is surely better than fighting against the current. What we think should happen and what life has planned for us are often very different. Regardless, I don't believe that it hurts to challenge yourself, to challenge life to deal you cards that you think may be worthwhile to play. If nothing else, it's been said that setting goals for yourself keeps your motivated, on your toes opposed to on the couch. And after 33? Well...first things first.


I was originally going to keep my list private, tucked neatly in the notebook in which I wrote it. But the more thought I gave it, I realized that I wanted to share my list like the way I share my life with my friends and family. Giving it more thought, I knew just the people who I could not only share my list with, but who could be a part of the list, who could also challenge themselves to 33 before 33.


One year post-graduation, I can still see a large part of myself in my friends from college. A group of us have remained close, charged by memories of our dirty college houses, endless parties, heartaches, and sorority days. During the past year they have been my support and source of laughter, mirroring my concerns and frustrations regarding jobs, boys and life. Almost daily e-mails are written between us as we sit at our brand new shiny cubicles, offices, or desks where we study. We are psychology students, nurses, public relations coordinators, fundraisers and event planners. We work in the city, the suburbs, and on campus. We're single, we're dating, we're living with our boyfriend. We laugh, we cry, we complain. We're happy, we're sad, we're in-between. Individually, we talk to each other once an hour, once a day, once a week or once a month. We're typical American twenty-something women searching for happiness and love in a world that seems to be growing less typical and more scary every day. But we have each other.


And I can can think of no one better than to share our lists, and our lives, with than each other.


Enjoy!
Julie